Dating: Distraction theory



Ladies, listen up.

I am sick and tired of seeing this all over the FB..

“No MORE DISTRACTIONS!””God is the only man for me!”

..two weeks later..

“I’m so lonely!””No one wants to date me! :(“

If I hear one more grown woman talk about dating as a distraction and then complain about feeling lonely and wanting a realtionship… Welll, I might just shave my head and rub coal on my body all Old Testament style.

I don’t know where this new phenomena came about. I don’t know what televangelist (because it seems to be coming from someone like T.D. Jakes) decided to start spreading this nonsense that women need to hide in their homes and wait for “prince charming” or the “one that God has for you” to just show up on their door step. I was home schooled and this is the prevalent mindset that many well meaning young women have about dating. They feel that if they read their bible enough and go to church Sunday, Wednesday, and bible study on Thursdays that the right man will just show up and be their end-all-be-all to their existence. They are ready to get married and have babies with out even understanding the basics of a healthy, functional relationship. I say this only because I *was* that girl. I married the first man I ever dated because I was convinced that he was “the one” because I had prayed for the first man I date to be my husband. How dangerous? Why didn’t anyone stop me? Why didn’t anyone tell me the realities of heart break, divorce, and abuse? Needless to say I’ve wised up a bit.

These women who define their dating as a distraction have no concept of dating in a healthy way. A relationship shouldn’t take away from any aspect of your life except maybe fill up some of your free time. You should always only be in a relationship with someone who amplifies your life. Someone you can grow with. Someone you can see a future with. My boyfriend pushes me in very positive ways. He encourages me to grow as an individual. He doesn’t want me to rely on him for my soul happiness. He wants me to be fulfilled as a singular person. I am eternally grateful for that. Even if The Jason and I don’t end up married I will have grown as a person because of him and that, my friends, is a sign of a healthy dating relationship.

Another flaw I see in the “distraction” argument is that I have seen women drop good men like hot potatoes because the relationship starts to escalate in the physical attraction department. This also boggles my mind. Sex is not bad. Sexual chemistry is a good thing. News Flash: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ATTRACTED TO MEN (*if your identify as a heteronormative female) It is ok to feel sexy. It is ok to want to be with him. Don’t beat yourself up because you have desires. It only means that you’re human!

There is so much pressure, at least from what I have experienced, to be with these men who almost verge on sainthood. We are programmed to find men who aren’t even human. It is almost not ok to be in a relationship with a human being. They aren’t allowed to exist as a fallible man. The human-ness of my boyfriend is something I love about him. He is real, he is raw, he is human. Just. like. me. I don’t only listen to christian radio and watch G movies. I sometimes let a curse word slip when I’m angry and sometimes I gossip about people I kind of know. How can I expect to be with someone who never says a curse word, who functions as an asexual being, and never sins if I am not.

So, ladies… Men aren’t a distraction. Question what you are defining as a distraction.. Are you really just afraid of intimacy? Are you just afraid of being hurt? Don’t let fears keep you from developing as person.

Peace, love, and parachutes!





About seethedancingllama

I'm a hodge podge! Single mama, organic gardener, naturopathic trainee, future doula, feminist, cook, and musician. This is my little corner of the world.
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