Feminism: Hot Patootie! Bless My Soul!

Hot Patootie! Bless My Soul! <I have dubbed this the “Lorde” hair…

Back in October 2013 during the annual Irvington Halloween Festival I went to go see an audience participation showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show with my dad. (I am aware now what I was getting myself into but at the time neither me or my dad knew what we were about to witness…*shudders*..) Anywhoser, I have had the soundtrack to that movie stuck in my head ever since and much like The Big Lebowski or Pulp Fiction there is always an applicable line from that to enhance almost any conversation. Tim Curry, you are my hero..

Ok to the real reason why I’m actually posting…

Since I have reached about the 6 month mark since I started growing out my pixie cut which was oh so adorbs.. I have decided to work on allowing my hair to go “natural”. I have wavy, loose curls that look great when they have 50 layers of mousses and creams on them but when they dry naturally they look flat in places and just frustrate the crap out of me. I usually get discouraged and start blow drying my hair straight because I think it “looks prettier”. I wanted to talk about natural hair and beauty privilege tonight…

I was introduced to this concept of “natural” hair by some women I went to church with in 2012. I never realized there were so many differences between “white” hair and “black” hair. (Someone correct me if I’m not using this in the correct context or manner..) I was amazed by the differences and started watching documentaries and reading articles. I started to realize the similarities in care management of my curls. My hair wicks moisture and I need to start doing a deep condition maybe even once a week until I can restore my hair to her former glory. I have been blowing out my hair daily for the last week or two to attempt to appease the hair gods and hope for the best. I realize that using high heat and blow drying my hair is so bad for it but darn this awkward length! I have vowed to try and embrace my natural curls and instead of fighting them to embrace them and just “go with the twirl” (womp womp).

Anyway, I am accepting that in this process of cultivating the curl that I will appear as more unattractive than I’m used to. As an active member of the Body Acceptance movement I like to not focus too much on physical beauty to society’s standards. I am doing the #365feministselfie on instagram (@seethedancingllama) you are supposed to take a picture of you even if you’re not necessarily “looking on point” that day. It has been pretty eye opening that I don’t want to take a selfie on days that I haven’t brushed my hair or put lipstick on. Empowering.. really.

Beautiful women are at a privilege. When you walk out of the house and you have your hair done, your nails painted, your lipstick on, and your eye liner is on point it is like you are completely unstoppable. I know I have felt that way before in the past. I know that the cute barista will smile at you and offer to comp your drink, the cop will let you off with a warning, and you’re more likely to get treated with respect. I’m so royally frustrated by this. Why am I treated differently when I leave the house and I’m not “put together”. I am slowly doing my part in realizing that treating people like people, look them in the eye when you walk past and smile at a stranger that each one of us has this amazing beauty with in us. All of us. We are all amazing.

Peace, love, and parachutes!
Hannah

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Dating: Distraction theory

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Ladies, listen up.

I am sick and tired of seeing this all over the FB..

“No MORE DISTRACTIONS!””God is the only man for me!”

..two weeks later..

“I’m so lonely!””No one wants to date me! :(“

If I hear one more grown woman talk about dating as a distraction and then complain about feeling lonely and wanting a realtionship… Welll, I might just shave my head and rub coal on my body all Old Testament style.

I don’t know where this new phenomena came about. I don’t know what televangelist (because it seems to be coming from someone like T.D. Jakes) decided to start spreading this nonsense that women need to hide in their homes and wait for “prince charming” or the “one that God has for you” to just show up on their door step. I was home schooled and this is the prevalent mindset that many well meaning young women have about dating. They feel that if they read their bible enough and go to church Sunday, Wednesday, and bible study on Thursdays that the right man will just show up and be their end-all-be-all to their existence. They are ready to get married and have babies with out even understanding the basics of a healthy, functional relationship. I say this only because I *was* that girl. I married the first man I ever dated because I was convinced that he was “the one” because I had prayed for the first man I date to be my husband. How dangerous? Why didn’t anyone stop me? Why didn’t anyone tell me the realities of heart break, divorce, and abuse? Needless to say I’ve wised up a bit.

These women who define their dating as a distraction have no concept of dating in a healthy way. A relationship shouldn’t take away from any aspect of your life except maybe fill up some of your free time. You should always only be in a relationship with someone who amplifies your life. Someone you can grow with. Someone you can see a future with. My boyfriend pushes me in very positive ways. He encourages me to grow as an individual. He doesn’t want me to rely on him for my soul happiness. He wants me to be fulfilled as a singular person. I am eternally grateful for that. Even if The Jason and I don’t end up married I will have grown as a person because of him and that, my friends, is a sign of a healthy dating relationship.

Another flaw I see in the “distraction” argument is that I have seen women drop good men like hot potatoes because the relationship starts to escalate in the physical attraction department. This also boggles my mind. Sex is not bad. Sexual chemistry is a good thing. News Flash: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ATTRACTED TO MEN (*if your identify as a heteronormative female) It is ok to feel sexy. It is ok to want to be with him. Don’t beat yourself up because you have desires. It only means that you’re human!

There is so much pressure, at least from what I have experienced, to be with these men who almost verge on sainthood. We are programmed to find men who aren’t even human. It is almost not ok to be in a relationship with a human being. They aren’t allowed to exist as a fallible man. The human-ness of my boyfriend is something I love about him. He is real, he is raw, he is human. Just. like. me. I don’t only listen to christian radio and watch G movies. I sometimes let a curse word slip when I’m angry and sometimes I gossip about people I kind of know. How can I expect to be with someone who never says a curse word, who functions as an asexual being, and never sins if I am not.

So, ladies… Men aren’t a distraction. Question what you are defining as a distraction.. Are you really just afraid of intimacy? Are you just afraid of being hurt? Don’t let fears keep you from developing as person.

Peace, love, and parachutes!

Hannah

 

 

 

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Feminism: Ableist in disguise?

Feminism: Ableist in disguise?

I have been rolling around with the idea that the phrase “Riots not Diets” might actually be somewhat… dare I say… ableist?

I am looking at this from the perspective of someone who has rampant heart disease and diabetes in her family medical history. In my defense, both my grandmother and my father’s diabetes developed not out of obesity but from environmental factors. My grandmother wrecked her body with excessive consumption of alcohol, cigs, and drugs. My father, unknown to him, was placed on a blood pressure medication that had a side effect of the possible development of diabetes. Granted, my grandmother was on insulin and my father isn’t they still had/have to greatly monitor their diet.

I have had a few friends with Crohn’s disease. Their bodies can only process certain foods. I have friends with severe dairy, wheat, and egg allergies. Their diet is also very controlled.

When I began to think about how mob mentality, or “group think” can effect a person’s view of themselves either positively or negatively I like to self-examine the groups that I affiliate with. For the last year I have been subscribing to feminist propaganda. I have read the articles, blogs, and follow the amazing trailblazers on twitter, tumblr, and pinterest. I know my views aren’t wildly popular but it is amazing how many “mainstream” women actually identify with feminist ideology without subscribing to the title “Feminist”. Something I see a lot of is the degradation of “diet culture”, body hate, and shame; while I think it is wonderful that so many people are hopping on this body love, fat acceptance bandwagon I wonder about the people who might second guess their choice to modify their diets for health precautions. I practice Health At Every Size and I don’t believe there is any wrong way to have a body and the underpants rule also applies (You’re the boss of your own underpants). I know that if I am in a group of people and someone is speaking of their need to restrict dairy out of their diet, I’m not going to jump down their throat and just “assume” that they are doing it for weight loss. I suppose that is what I’m getting at. What is this phrase communicating to budding feminists who think they need to overcompensate and even though they are well meaning they begin to body police other people’s food choices.

So at the end of my little brain storm I have decided that there are times when someone might get a little a head of themselves and just assume that their comrade in the good fight is actually succumbing to the guise of “being acceptable” to society when in all reality they are simply looking out for themselves. Bottom line is, we should always try to get to know others before we begin to assume things about their lifestyle. Just because you (like myself) are able to consume without concern of anaphylactic shock or a blood sugar spike doesn’t mean everyone can. So lets not be jerks and just respect our friend’s boundaries.

K thanks.

Peace, love, and parachutes!
Hannah

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Domestics: I forgot I was making soup.

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I did something I’ve never done before. I burnt, badly, a pot of soup. I was making tortilla soup for my dad and completely spaced that I was even making it. The house was warm, smelled amazing, and then all of a sudden I realized something smelled like it was on fire… that would be my soup.

Of course my mother was beyond angry with me but thanks to the wonderful guises of Facebook I was able to make enough connections to get a good suggestion on how to clean the pot.

So for future reference and for anyone who might also make this stupid mistake…

1. Thin layer of water in the bottom of the pan
2. 1 cup vinegar
3. Bring water and vinegar to boil on stove
4. Add 2 tbs of baking soda
5. Empty water and then scrub as usual.

About ten minutes later my parent’s precious revere wear pot was spotless. I was pretty excited to fix the problem and not have to toss out a pot that my parents have quite literally owned my entire life.

🙂

Peace, love, and parachutes!
Hannah

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Personal Life: Today is the day…

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My ex husband moves to Florida today. He is getting married in a few weeks. This all feels like a really bad dream. This feels like the last nail in the coffin of our relationship. He’s gone. Probably forever. He’s made zero attempt to see his son before his departure. The reality that my son won’t know who his father is is finally starting to sink in. I feel like a jumbled mess.

Yes. I asked for the divorce. I moved out. I signed the papers. I think a little piece of me was always expecting him to show up and have pulled his head completely out of his butt. Instead, he ran to another woman. I don’t necessarily miss him as much as I miss the idea of our family that never even had a snowball’s chance in hell of surviving. I always wanted something from him he could never give me. He was has and always will be in love with the woman he is marrying. I was merely a stand in for a dream he couldn’t lay to rest. It’s sad that my life and my son’s life have to be so negatively impacted by the lack of a spouse/father. I’m glad he has my dad but I worry about him missing out on the male bond he should have.

My son deserves better. I deserve better.

I apologize for such a whiny post. It was not my intention to come here and mope but I’m having a hard time coping with this. I will continue to console my loneliness with an hour at the gym and a three hour block of The Big Bang Theory laughing and knowing what a treasure I have in my son. Maybe someday I will partner again but likely Abe and I will forge ahead on our own, the dynamic duo.

Peace, love, and parachutes!
Hannah

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Single Parenting: Mommy Guilt

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^Fall 2012 in Bloomington, IN

I know we all experience it. That nagging feeling that we aren’t being a good parent. That feeling like I should be doing something more…

Here is my big concern… My son is 21 months now. He’s not even two years old but I’m worried sick because he’s not talking yet. Granted, I work from home so he’s only around me and I don’t spend hours a day drilling him on vocabulary. Frankly, I don’t have the time! Not only do I have my lab coat job but I am a mom, a part time student, and a live in maid. When I’m not cooking or cleaning I’m studying and when I’m not studying I’m ironing. I do talk to my son and work with him but I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. On top of all this I’m going it alone. I don’t have a husband to share the parenting load, the financial burden, or to have adult conversation with at the end of the day. So I fret and wring my hands because my friend’s daughter who is three months older than my son is using full sentences and is practically potty trained!! Not to mention my friend is also working, just moved to Georgia, and is applying to grad school. It all gives me a major mommy inferiority complex.

But it’s always something isn’t it? I worried he wasn’t going to crawl, walk, or speak at all! He’s a champion climber and he says the correct amount of words for a 21 month old. My son is brilliant. He knows how to start a car. He can climb a rock wall. He can build towers with his blocks. He can also zip his jacket up. He’s also working on getting his own pants on. I know he’s fine but the mom in me worries. I guess it’s the stomach aches and the sleepless nights that you earn your mommy badges.

Peace, love, and parachutes!

Hannah

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Trials and Tribulation of Growing Out a Pixie

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In February 2013 I was a budding little new feminist. I think many in my situation are so full of wonder and shock when they finally realize how upset the social equilibrium is. In my delirium I decided to raise my four inch middle finger to the world and bravely chopped my hair off. I was so edgy, masculine, and
exposed

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Everyone seemed to like it but as time went on I didn’t like it anymore. I was sort of “dating” a “man” at the time and he was pretty persuasive that I keep my hair short even though I didn’t like it. Eventually things between the man and I dissolved and I have been growing my hair back out.

I have been using a vitamin called biotin. I have only been using it for two weeks but I have already seen progress. Although thorough “scientific” studies have not been conducted to see the validity of the claim that taking a biotin supplement can encourage hair growth there are plenty of civil experiments that have proven the use to be beneficial.

I have about 7-8 months left of hair growing to do but I think I will have it back where I want it in no time.

Peace, love, and parachutes!
Hannah

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