Personal Life: Today is the day…

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My ex husband moves to Florida today. He is getting married in a few weeks. This all feels like a really bad dream. This feels like the last nail in the coffin of our relationship. He’s gone. Probably forever. He’s made zero attempt to see his son before his departure. The reality that my son won’t know who his father is is finally starting to sink in. I feel like a jumbled mess.

Yes. I asked for the divorce. I moved out. I signed the papers. I think a little piece of me was always expecting him to show up and have pulled his head completely out of his butt. Instead, he ran to another woman. I don’t necessarily miss him as much as I miss the idea of our family that never even had a snowball’s chance in hell of surviving. I always wanted something from him he could never give me. He was has and always will be in love with the woman he is marrying. I was merely a stand in for a dream he couldn’t lay to rest. It’s sad that my life and my son’s life have to be so negatively impacted by the lack of a spouse/father. I’m glad he has my dad but I worry about him missing out on the male bond he should have.

My son deserves better. I deserve better.

I apologize for such a whiny post. It was not my intention to come here and mope but I’m having a hard time coping with this. I will continue to console my loneliness with an hour at the gym and a three hour block of The Big Bang Theory laughing and knowing what a treasure I have in my son. Maybe someday I will partner again but likely Abe and I will forge ahead on our own, the dynamic duo.

Peace, love, and parachutes!
Hannah

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About seethedancingllama

I'm a hodge podge! Single mama, organic gardener, naturopathic trainee, future doula, feminist, cook, and musician. This is my little corner of the world.
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1 Response to Personal Life: Today is the day…

  1. motherofgar says:

    Hang in there!

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